Consenting to not consent

I am guessing you have already figured where this blog is headed.  If you don’t want to read about non-consensual acts, then I suggest you stop here.  Yes, right here.  Otherwise, read on and enjoy!

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I lay in his arms both satiated and happy.  I whispered in his ear “Can I tell you something naughty that turns me on?”

He stroked my hair and nodded.  “One night I want you to rape me”

Over time we discussed the idea, what we both felt comfortable with and how the scene might start.  We had a night away in a hotel coming up and we agreed it was the perfect occasion

Finally, the night was upon us.  He checked I was totally comfortable with what we were doing, kissed me and left the room.  I knew he was going to go down to the bar for a drink and that when I heard a knock on the hotel room door, it would begin

I felt nervous and so excited as I prepared myself.  I changed my clothes, a summery floaty skirt and a sleeveless white shirt, innocent white bra and knickers underneath.  I checked my reflection in the mirror

I heard a knock at the door.  I glanced at my watch; it was sooner than I expected.  I felt a huge rush of adrenaline

With my heart beating faster, I moved across the room.  I took a deep breath and opened the door with trepidation

And there stood a room service waiter.  I felt confused.  He handed me an ice bucket.  I thanked him and closed the door.  I placed it on the side.

(P.S. The man involved would like to point out that there was a note with the ice bucket. I confess I never read it. But he would like everyone to know it said, “You think you’re ready. You’re not ready.” If I had read it I would have been impressed, but…. He still reminds me about the failure to read it! And he points out – it was very brilliant and that I deserve a spanking for not reading it at the time!)

I knew my lover was playing with my mind, making me feel wary and skittish, setting me up perfectly for the scene that was soon to unfold

I lack patience at the best of times and now I flitted around the room nervously.  I am not sure there is a protocol for what to do whilst waiting for an attacker that you aren’t meant to know is coming!  I flicked at a magazine, glanced at social media, starred out of the window at the now deserted hotel pool below, ran a hand through my hair, adjusted my top – whiling away the minutes.  I resisted the urge to touch myself

Finally, the knock came

Again, with my heart beating faster, I moved across the room.  I took a deep breath and opened the door with trepidation

The sight took my breath away.  He had a stocking over his head; he looked terrifying and menacing.  He looked like a scary stranger

I tried to close the door, but he pushed back and was inside immediately.  I tried to run away but he was upon me, he grabbed me from behind, his hand closing over my mouth just as I opened it to scream

I felt him reach for something behind him and then I felt a cold metal blade against my thigh.  His voice gruff in my ear “I have got a knife, do not make a sound, just do exactly as I tell you and I won’t need to use it on your pretty skin”

My breaths were ragged and shallow, I felt my skin shiver with cold.  I was completely encapsulated in the scene.  My fear felt utterly real

I looked down, trying to see the knife, but the position on my thigh meant my skirt hid it from my view.  (I later learned it was only a butter knife and had been on the tray next to the ice bucket that was delivered.  He thought that way I would know it was a safe knife.  I just failed to notice it.  The blunt and innocuous knife felt huge and scary against my skin.  It presented an effective way to force me to comply without the need for real violence)

I trembled.  The hand moved from my mouth and he pulled out a length of material, tying it securely over my eyes, robbing me of my sight.  (Apparently a stocking over your head gets rather hot rather quickly, so he wanted to get that off)

Then the knife was back, pressed against my throat and he pinned one of my arms behind me, pushing me with him as he strode into the bedroom.  I whimpered, I was in a world of terror and arousal

We stopped and he grabbed my hair, pulling my face up close to his.  “I saw you by the pool today in that tiny bikini.  Flaunting yourself.  Winding all the men up” he hissed

“I wasn’t….” I started, but the increased pressure from the blade stopped me immediately

“Little slut” he breathed on me, and he ripped at the top of my shirt.  I felt close to tears.  He pulled my bra straps down my arms, tugging my bra down, exposing my breasts

A first tear escaped.  I felt so vulnerable, I wanted to wrap my arms around myself and hide.  “These big titties jiggling about by the pool this afternoon” he snarled, and he slapped them hard.  I cried out.  “Quiet Bitch”

He groped at my breasts, manhandling them roughly, pinching unkindly at my nipples

I was so scared, yet between my legs I was throbbing with excitement

He pushed me backwards, I yelped as I fell back onto the bed

He forced my skirt up

He grabbed at my knickers

I begged him not to

He spat in my face as I pleaded

“You made my cock hard earlier by the pool.  I know that is what you were trying to do”

He tugged my knickers down to my knees

I cried out “No”

One hand pinned me to the bed, the other forced my thighs apart

My body yearned for him to enter me

My mind was terrified for him to violate me

I felt his hand against my sex, the head of his cock as he positioned himself

I sobbed; my heart raced

He thrust into me, hard and deep

I cried out in pain and fear, at the intensity of it

He fucked me hard

In my mind I begged for my attacker to just finish and go

He used me

In my mind I begged for the scene to just go on and on

Finally, he pulled out, wiped the juices off his cock on my inner thigh and walked away

Moments later he was back, I heard him say “Katie” tenderly and I knew the scene was over.  He removed the blindfold and pulled me in towards him.  But I wasn’t ready for a cuddle.  I was soaring with arousal.  I pushed him down, wanting his mouth between my legs, I moaned “Please”.  He indulged me.  I came so hard, over and over.  And then he held me protectively in his arms

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It isn’t a scene we have done often, but a couple of years later I suggested it again.  We discussed it thoroughly and then found the right opportunity

We were staying in an uninspiring Air B&B flat in a slightly rough city – it had the perfect feel for what he had in mind, of which he shared no details with me

He told me to relax as if I were home alone in the flat for the evening, suggesting listening to music on my Airpods if I wished; he kissed me and left the flat

I felt that same heady anticipation, the delicious mix of nervous apprehension and tingly excitement

I did as he suggested.  I sat on a comfy chair, looking out over the city skyline bathed in the early evening sun, I put on some music and waited

I didn’t hear as he quietly used the key to open the door

I didn’t hear as he moved silently across the room towards me

Suddenly I sensed someone behind me.  A cold jolt of fear sliced through me

A black hood closed over my head, (breathable material, he checked!) knocking my Airpods out as he did so.  The music vanished, replaced with his breathing close against my ear.  His hands gripped tightly at my upper arms

“Your scum boyfriend owes me money and he can’t pay.  Guess what, he gave me the key to your flat in return for clearing his debt.  Be a good girl and let me take what I want from you.  Misbehave and I will beat you and then take what I want.  Really misbehave and I will beat you unconscious and then take what I want.  Are you clear?”

I felt sick.  I nodded tearfully.  I struggled to breathe.  I became wet between my legs

His hands moved, forcing their way down the front of my dress, groping at my breasts

“Your boyfriend wasn’t lying about you having great tits.  I hope he was telling the truth about how tight your arsehole is, I am looking forward to finding out”

A wave of panic surged through me; I couldn’t believe what he had just said

“Oh no, please no” tumbled from my lips

My pleas were ignored

He picked me up out of the chair, forcing me onto the floor, onto my knees in front of the sofa.  He grabbed my wrists and tied them behind my back.  The rope rough and tight against my skin

I sensed him sitting down in front of me – I knew what was coming.  My heart was pounding with fear and arousal

“I suggest you suck it well because you know where it is going next” he sneered at me.  He pulled the hood up slightly to reveal my mouth, his hand closing around a ball of material and my hair at the back

The head of his cock bumped against my closed mouth.  His palm slapped against my face and I whimpered.  “Open up Bitch” he growled

I opened my mouth.  His hand pushed my head down.  I cried as I slobbered on his shaft

He bobbed my head up and down like a toy, my mouth coating his shaft with my spit

He forced me deeper, I started to gag on him

He dragged my head up, I coughed and drooled

“Again”

He penetrated my mouth again

I felt violated, I felt terrified, I felt amazing

He thrust, forcing himself into my throat

I started to choke

He held me there

I struggled against his grip

He held me there

I spluttered against his cock

He released and I gasped for air

I felt my juices dribble onto my thighs

I was still gasping as he pulled me to my feet and forced me to bend over the arm of the sofa.  He kicked at my ankles until I spread them wide enough.  He flipped up my skirt and dragged down my knickers

He made my wait in this position, the hood keeping me blind (unbeknown to me, so he could apply a generous coating of lube to himself)

I felt so vulnerable in this position, so exposed to him

I felt so precarious in this position, my hands bound behind me

I felt so scared in this position, knowing what he intended next

I felt the roughness of his jeans against my bare legs as he moved in behind me.  I could not help the whimpers escaping from my mouth

The bulbous head of his cock pressed against my arsehole.  I willed my muscles to relax.  I was close to safe-wording, not sure if I could take this.  I trembled

He pushed, the head forcing into me.  I cried out

He paused, just a second out of character.  I gave him a tiny nod

He pushed again, a couple more inches sliding in.  I shouted “No, please no”

He paused, giving me just a moment to cope

He pushed again, balls deep in my arsehole.  I sobbed

“Your boyfriend certainly wasn’t lying” he laughed and slapped at my arse cheek

Then his hands gripped my hips, holding me tight as he used my arsehole for his pleasure.  He thrust deep, he grunted, he pounded into me over and over, he roared as he emptied his seed into me

He just held me there for a moment, still impaled on him, as he recovered, before tossing me down onto the sofa.  “You can wait there till your boyfriend gets home and finds you with an arse full of my spunk”.  And he left

Moments later he was back with me.  “Katie, it’s me” he said softly.  He didn’t untie my wrists.  He didn’t remove the hood.  He rolled me onto my back with exquisite care and bought his tongue to my sex.  He knew exactly what I needed

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