Exploring Katie’s Kinks: Pain

He laid me gently on the bed, caressing and arousing my breasts.  It felt divine.  I was moaning and feeling very needy by the time he showed me the nipple clamps.  He squeezed at my breast and held the nipple in place.  A thrill of fear and excitement licked through me.  Delightful anticipation yet an awareness of how painful I find them

He released the spring and the clamp gripped tight to my left nipple.  I squealed in horror and delight at the tightness biting into my flesh, the pleasure and pain hugely spiking my arousal.  He stroked my hair “Good Girl”

Then he moved towards my right breast – I felt more nervous this time, I knew what was coming.  I gripped onto his shoulders as he moved closer.  He looked at me and I could see a hint of concern mixed with the usual devilishness in his eyes.  I breathed out slowly and nodded.  He stroked my right breast, the nipple already throbbing and hard.  “Gently please Sir” I pleaded.  He squeezed the clamp open and positioned my nipple in between it and paused.  I waited expectantly, holding my breath.  He let go and it gripped tight to my aroused nipple – I cried out

The feeling was very intense, but with my pain sensors already heightened, the second one didn’t hurt as much.  The tightness of the clamps made my nipples throb hard.  I was so aroused, I could feel my clit pulsating, my pussy becoming soaked with my juices.  “Please fuck me Sir” summed up my complete need to be filled

He shook his head and took a seat, patting his lap commandingly.  I obediently adopted the required position.  He pushed my hips down slightly and then one hand rested on my lower back, holding me firmly in place.  The other caressed my arse cheeks

My heart quickened as I felt his hand move away and then the first firm slap landed across my left bottom cheek, followed by a second harder across my right cheek which made me cry out with the initial shock

But those first two were delicious – a little shock and a huge jolt of arousal and I felt myself getting instantly wetter between my legs.  Then another two slaps rained down, one on each cheek, followed by two more, almost rhythmically working one cheek and then the other.  I could hear myself starting to whimper as the spanks continued and I knew my bottom would be glowing a little pinker already.  The first fronds of pain started to spread across my cheeks as he brought each spank down in a slightly different place

Then he paused and helped me to stand up.  My eyes flicked to the side and I saw him reaching for the crop.  I moaned softly, my breasts were already throbbing intensely from the clamps and my bottom cheeks were burning indulgently

I knew the crop would intensify the pain and take it to the next level

He positioned me in front of him, standing me straight, back arched, breasts thrust forward, legs slightly apart

His hands moved to the clamps.  He knows I find having them removed even more painful than the initial application.  My body writhed slightly as his fingers closed on them, earning me a sharp slap and an instruction to stay still.  I fought the urge to growl at him

My moans became animalistic as he finally unclamped them and the blood rushed back to my aching nipples.  And they felt so utterly sensitive

It was then that he started work with the crop.  Short sharp stinging slaps across the tender flesh of my breasts.  Harder, lingering smacks across my already burning bottom.  Flicks of the crop on the soft skin of my inner thighs, working all the way up, until landing firmly between my legs

I was crying out, yelping, fighting to try and stay still as the pain intensified.  Yet as the pain surged through me, so did delicious waves of arousal

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Katie’s perspective

Pain.  I enjoy pain.  The whole pain gliding into pleasure thing is hot for me.  Pain brings an extra frisson of excitement to my sexual play

But I do also think I am a bit of a wuss, I definitely can’t take as much pain as some

I recall one occasion when I was lucky enough to observe a very serious whipping scene.  A beautiful lady was tied to a St Andrew’s cross and a very skilful Master gave her an incredibly intense session with his whip

It fascinated and intrigued me.  The beautiful criss cross marks the whip left on her body.  The way she cried out as her pain intensified.  The sheer eroticism of how arousing she was clearly finding the experience

By the time her session was finished, there was a queue of people waiting for their turn

I wanted to try it, but I was not sure I would have been able to take that much pain

It was clear that the giver and receiver loved every moment of it.  It was very hot to watch the level of arousal they achieved as a result

I know psychologists explain that pleasure and pain activate the same responses in our bodies

But for me, as well as the physical pain itself, there are the psychological elements too

The handing over control is a big part of the turn on.  I enjoy the power dynamic and receiving pain at the hand of my Dominant definitely plays to this kink

There is also an element of relaxation to being punished.  If I am feeling stressed or upset, receiving pain helps me escape those feelings.  The pain blocks out everything else in my mind and ultimately soothes and calms me

I enjoy pain and some pain really turns me on.  But sometimes pain play also gets too much for me.   I reach a point and I want the pain to stop so I can curl up in his arms and I get all those good feelings for different reasons!

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Mr Jones’ perspective (@KropMarcus)

I don’t believe it’s ever possible to talk about one half of a kink relationship in isolation, so, as I talk about sadism, I will also touch on masochism.  Also, everything I say relates to me, my experiences and my relationship(s), it may well not be applicable to you

Sadism is a complex kink from a BDSM point of view and the first thing to say is that I do not enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake.  Clearly safety is paramount and although I’m not going to go into that in detail, if you need to know more, there is plenty of advice elsewhere.

What arouses me is a partner who gains sexual pleasure through pain so that I get the feedback of their joy and eventual euphoria.  The result seems to me to be similar to a feedback loop and pushes both sadist and masochist to higher and higher levels of pleasure

So, how does pain, suffering even, result in pleasure?  In my experience how we perceive pain is influenced by state of arousal.  For those who are turned on this way, the difference between how pleasure and pain are perceived reduces as arousal increases

This much is well known and the need for a “warm up” extensively discussed.  For example, starting impact play with a soft flogger and leaving things like canes until much later

My submissive, Kitty, reports a few points that are extremely relevant

Firstly, “It still hurts.  I can feel everything, but I don’t care as much.  I’m secretly goading you to continue”

Secondly, that if her arousal level stops increasing, pain begins to feel like pain again but in a way that helps her to control her edge

Thirdly, orgasms help to suppress the feeling of pain as they create a state of euphoria.  The result of this is that it’s difficult for the session to become samey as the pain recipient’s experience is constantly changing

As a sadist it’s possible to adjust your masochist’s experience by rapidly adjusting her consciousness level.  For example, by using breath play.  This will again shift how they experience pain and also appeals to my dominant side

For my part, I find it highly arousing that someone would willingly suffer for our mutual pleasure.  Our bond is strengthened in the same way that it is through activities that directly relate to pleasure.  I would also say that an emotional bond is important for me and that sadism is a part of a sexual act.  I get a kick out of how my submissive reacts physically even to the point of encouraging her to scream

Whilst domination and submission (D/s) and sadomasochism are different things, I have always believed that there is a degree of overlap in all of us.  Every D/s relationship is unique, however, when D/s and sadomasochism come together in a relationship, the results can be amazing

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Jacqui’s Perspective (@jacqui_james86)

I am genuinely perplexed when asked what it is I like about pain, I’m not even certain that I do like it.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am regularly spanked for mutual pleasure, and fairly regularly for correction too as part of a loving, trust-filled, decade-long domestic discipline relationship.  However, is it the pain that turns me on or is it something else?

Fear is the main fuel of my personal excitement and it comes in many forms.  Fear of pain, fear of humiliation, and the fear of failure.  All of these things arouse me, and seemingly regardless of context, for example, I once thoroughly creamed my underwear during a martial arts exam!  

So, there can be no doubt that I ‘get off’ on fear and am turned on regardless of whether or not pain is a feature.  Being in trouble or in jeopardy, and of course taking risks, is when I feel most alive.  My background in theatre is another good example of someone who likes to regularly experience fear up close and personal!

However the subject of ‘pain as a turn on’ is slippery indeed.  My Head of House (HoH), and undoubtedly my better half, insists that I have strong masochistic tendencies, and I am inclined to agree with him.  Masochism is defined as: the enjoyment of one’s own pain or humiliation.  I certainly find enjoyment in being humiliated.  I have a strong, dominant character, and rarely experience sadness, negative emotion or defensive anger, so I am well designed to cope with sustained feelings of danger, uncertainty and humiliation.  Which leaves the other element of masochism – pain itself

There are many different types of pain, and physical pain alone has many subdivisions: sharp pain, stabbing pain, thudding pain, stinging pain etc.

When being ‘hobbied’ – that is what some would call ‘punishment’ and others ‘funishment’ – I certainly feel exhilarated by thudding pain, though stinging pain’s not so hot for me.  Heavy floggers, gym shoes/plimsols, heavy leather straps and paddles all bring sensations of; deep heat, heaviness, strong impact, and are lower in ‘sting’ than say a cane, or whip.  I can say with some certainty that I enjoy this kind of pain, though it is very much tied up (deliberate pun) with wanting to please my dominant, and therefore wanting to suffer primarily for his pleasure.  I also enjoy putting myself into such a precarious situation, placing my full trust in another, and then feel pride in surviving!  Though the pride/relief very much comes afterwards

When I am nearing the limit of my ‘pain absorption’, I always challenge myself to take just a little bit more.  I do this because I want my Top to think well of me, so I ensure that he can see that I am going slightly beyond what I can bear for his personal enjoyment.  I revel in the courage to fully hand control to another person.  A grand act of submission reserved only for him.  Then, if he continues, and I can manage no more; I holler, plead, complain, and generally spoil my own delusions of grandeur!

This kind of pain is the most enjoyable. I’ve suffered a little, but not too much, Sir’s taken me slightly beyond where I am comfortable, and sometimes into the realms of unknown kinds of pain.  However, this was for our mutual enjoyment, and my ability to suffer is very much predicated on a desire to please and impress my dominant.  It’s as if I am continually training myself to tolerate pain for his pleasure, and that in turn brings me pleasure as well as feelings of accomplishment.  Perhaps I enjoy the achievement more than the pain?

Then, on the other hand, there is punishment. Real punishment.  One hundred percent, bona fide, punishment.  Punishment-punishment.  Forgive me for belabouring the point but punishment is largely misunderstood

Punishment and sexual gratification are very much separate matters in our household, and I would go as far as to say that if you are ‘enjoying’ it, then it is not a punishment… for you.  Punishment is a penalty imposed for wrongdoing, which is designed primarily to correct unpleasant or unhelpful behaviours.  If you ‘like’ your punishment, then it is not the correct discipline for you.  A true punishment must be unpleasant as it is supposed to deter you from wrongdoing.  If you enjoyed it, then you haven’t been deterred as human beings are hardwired to seek enjoyment

That is not to say that ‘hobby’, ‘funishment’, or ‘fantasy’ doesn’t hurt.  If you’re doing it right of course it causes pain!  Many of those who visit a professional disciplinarian for the first time are, when quizzed later, taken aback at how much the spanking hurt.  Comments such as, “… the pain from the spanking was horrible, which I knew it would be but…,” show that the ‘fun’ session was painful and the ‘but’ at the end of this quote is very telling.  Your disciplinarian hasn’t brought those implements to stroke you gently with or to tickle you!

I am not in any way demeaning the pain thresholds and the ability to suffer of those who seek ‘funishment’.  I can see from photographs that there are submissives who can tolerate far in excess of anything that I would require for even the most serious of disciplinaries.  I wouldn’t need half of some of the ‘funishment’ I see online for my HoH to initiate some serious improvements to my overall conduct

And therein lies the rub.  It’s all about levels.  One man’s punishment is another man’s picnic.  A good disciplinarian will quickly figure out your levels and act accordingly.  How much pain to inflict for catharsis, ‘funishment’, or serious discipline will, and should be, different.  Sometimes a disciplinarian will remove all pain from a punishment in order to make their point.  For example, many people hate to write lines – it is no coincidence then that we are forever seeing evidence of ‘line-writing as punishment’ online!

Finally, and to really throw a spanner in the works! I seem to be able to tolerate far more pain when being punished for real world wrong doing.  Indeed, my HoH is occasionally irritated with how little pain I can tolerate for ‘fun’, relative to the thrashings I will stoically absorb when I’m being disciplined for misdeeds.  This is one hundred percent psychological.  If I can take 24 with the senior cane on the bare, over the back of the captain’s chair because I went AWOL, then why can I not tolerate the same level for accidentally spilling a drink at dinner?

Mindset.  It’s all about psychology.  Twenty-four hard strokes of the thick, heavy cane for accidentally spilling a drink at dinner is disproportionate – a nice word for insane!  Whereas going AWOL, potentially putting myself at risk, and causing my HoH undue worry and concern for my safety, is another matter entirely

I can literally absorb more pain, more easily, when I am in the wrong, and am being justly punished for a specific infraction.  My mind is aiding and abetting my disciplinarian to hit me harder and for longer to ensure the lesson is learned.  I am no head doctor, so I cannot explain exactly how and why this works, but I know for certain that if the punishment fits the crime, then I will submit to it utterly, and be able – somehow – to get through it.  That is not to say that I find it easy, there is little to no pain, and subspace descends from on high to save me.  It doesn’t.  I suffer.  I really suffer and remember well why I don’t really like pain.  However, if you are engaged in right action – genuinely atoning for error – then somehow, someway you will come through… you may even find that you can use the memory of such events at a later time, and in a different place, for the purposes of sexual gratification.  Genuine punishment, whilst monstrous at the time, can make one hell of a ‘spanking yarn’ given time and space Suffice to say that pain is all about doses!  You need to get them right, and that will depend entirely on the given circumstances… but the experimentation process is a wonderful, wonderful ride